[1994-01-29-SMW-TV] Interview: Jim Cornette / Interview: Dory & Terry Funk / Interview: The Bullet

[Loss]

Talk about it here.

[Loss]

Cornette sets up a taped promo with the Funks. Dory Funk looks like he's about to play Charles Dickens in community theater. His promo makes me think he got out of his cage, but Terry is great.

 

We follow up with comments from The Bullet, then Cornette takes us home in front of the crowd in style.

[Kevin Ridge]

These promos they do together really shows the charisma/promo ability difference of the brothers. Dory is in indeed dressed very fine. I love when Cornette rips on these SMW crowds where they then scan to the crowd and you can't help but agree with what he is saying about them.

[shoe]

This whole segment is pretty great. With each individual bringing something to the table. Where in the hell would Dory find an outfit like that.

[Exposer]

This was a tremendous segment. Terry acting all creepy and disturbed is always awesome. Dory's outfit was just incredible. I laughed out loud when Cornette was berating the crowd and calling them "Genetically defected" and the camera pans to a downs syndrome teenager leading a chant. God SMW rules.

[soup23]

So much to write about here. Dory's epic hat. Terry repeating butt crack, Tennessee, Cornette doing another great promo (he has been on fire so far this year), and a great Bullet promo talking them into the building. My great grandfather's favorite wrestler was Armstrong and Mr. Wrestling II and this was a great glimpse at his appeal.

[Cross Face Chicken Wing]

Buttcrack, Tennessee!

 

Compare Dory stumbling through the rules of a Texas Death match to Tunney clearly explaining how the WMX title matches will work. No comparison.

[El-P]

Dory's outfit. Buttcrack Tenessee. This segment is awesome.

I agree it's always hilarious to see the director actually illustrating Cornette's insults by showing, well, exactly what Cornette is talking about.

Great segment, this is what SMW is awesome at.

[PeteF3]

Taped promo from Terry Funk. Rick Rubin's SMW involvement pays off as he gets Tom Petty, in his old mid-'80s Mad Hatter gear, to make an appearance with Terry and explain the rules of the Texas Death Match. The Bullet and Cornette follow up as only they can.

[GSR]

Jim Cornette’s been waiting a long time for this Texas death match at Sunday Bloody Sunday between Terry Funk and The Bullet, otherwise known as Bob Armstrong, and there’s a lot riding on it, but instead of him telling everyone about it he’s got some comments from Terry Funk.

 

Funk has his brother Dory with him (and he’s wearing a rather dashing gold top hat!) and he’s coming to Knoxville to wrestle Bob Armstrong in a Texas death match. He asks Dory to explain the rules to everyone and he tells them that falls don’t count there could be one or one hundred, there’s no stopping the match for any reason, falls can take place anywhere, and most importantly there is no stopping the match for blood. If the people don’t like blood he suggests they don’t look towards the ring as Bob Armstrong’s blood will be splattered all over Knoxville. The last man standing will be the winner and that’s going to be his brother, the King of the Texas death match! Dory will be at ringside for the match, not to interfere, but to protect Jim Cornette from all of Bob Armstrong’s illegitimate relatives. Terry says that he knows all about Knoxville as on a windy day he can smell it from Texas. It smells like butt crack, Tennessee and it smells like fear. What kind of fear does it smell like? It smells like death. Is it Bob Armstrong shaking under his covers because the Funks are coming? He and his brother have a date in Knoxville.

 

Cornette is laughing and very happy in the studio, Terry Funk is the King of the Texas death match, he’s had a million of them and knows all the ins and outs. Bob Caudle wants to hear from The Bullet though and they go to a video interview from him.

 

The Bullet says that since he signed this contract to wrestle Terry Funk in a Texas death match everybody has been calling him saying that he’s made a mistake, the man’s never been beaten. Although he’s beaten Bob Armstrong he’s not beaten The Bullet. Jim Cornette has bought in some big guns but somehow he’s found a way around them and he’s still here, fighting for Bob Armstrong’s spot as Commissioner. He knows he’s going to run out of body parts before Jim Cornette’s mama runs out of money, so let’s get it all done in on night, once and for all.

 

Back in the studio and Cornette says that he’s waited a long time and is going to make the most of this. He knows he can’t hurt Bob Armstrong or injure him so bad that he won’t want to come back, he’s tried; but how do you harm a prideful man? You hit him in his pride. All the people who have supported him for 25 years, all his family, friends and fans will watch him kiss the feet of Jim Cornette and if he wants to get out of doing that, he must beat Terry Funk in a Texas death match, and that’s something that no man can do.

 

Great stuff on the mic as always when these guys are involved and when it comes to setting up everything.

[garretta]

Three tremendous performances out of four is a hell of a batting average when it comes to promos these days. Terry, Corny, and Bullet Bob all knocked it out of the park. As for Hoss, I wonder if he wasn't underselling his verbal abilities when he was with Terry so Terry could stand out more. There's simply no way that a man with his experience could be that weak unless he was trying to be. I can understand not being glib; Harley wasn't, to name one example. But he was effective, which Hoss wouldn't have been if Terry hadn't been there as well.

 

I liked Corny admitting that he and his assassins wouldn't be able to injure Bullet Bob badly enough to put him out for good, that the only way to get rid of him was to humiliate him in front of his most ardent fans. Corny knows when to put his enemies over without appearing to suck up to them, which not even other legendary managers like Bobby Heenan truly got the hang of. About the only other guy I ever heard do something like that was Lou Albano on a rare calm day, and Captain Lou was at his best as a raving maniac, so those calm days didn't happen often.

 

Did the SMW fans know about Caudle's day job with Senator Helms? Corny threw in a reference to it at one point, but it was so quick it almost seemed like an inside joke. It didn't seem like the sort of thing the average wrestling fan would try to find out about an announcer.

 

I'm kind of disappointed that the match didn't make the set after we've seen the buildup. Wouldn't something like this count under the "Bad match or not, it's significant" rule? I can't imagine a Texas death match involving Terry Funk being bad unless Bullet Bob chose to be lazy for some strange reason.