Thought I would provide a wrestling-centric update on my battle.
An attempt to perform a rare procedure in early January (called HIPEC surgery with de-bulking) was halted with me on laying on the surgery table. Once I was opened up, the surgeon determined that my cancer had spread too far -- beyond what my initial CT scans had shown -- and that it was too risky to continue with the procedure.
My family and I were devastated. Unfortunately, cancer doesn't care much about feelings so I tried to snap out of it as quickly as I could. I had to heal from the surgery, so chemotherapy couldn't start until February.
Chemo began in early February, and it absolutely sucks both physically and mentally. The side effects haven't been as bad as I prepared myself for, but chemo is still the worst thing ever. It's hard to describe, but it's just a complete drain. Chemotherapy can fuck right off.
Today was my first CT scan since starting chemo. Since we haven't had any good news during this battle, we were prepared for the worst. But the news was positive. The cancer hadn't spread further since my pre-chemo scan. My oncologist said my cancer was like a freight train speeding along at 100 MPH after my failed surgery. Today, he said that freight train has been stopped, for now.
Whew, thank you chemo. Sorry I told you to fuck off earlier.
So what does this have to do with wrestling? It sounds silly, and it is, but wrestling helps me get through some of the tough times. Here's how:
- I don't do well with silence since this whole ordeal began. If it's too quiet in the house, my mind starts racing, negative thoughts creep in, and I go off the rails mentally. No matter how wiped I am from the chemo, I can't nap during the day because of the silence. My mind simply won't allow it. Here's where wrestling podcasts work wonders. Listening to a 4-hour "Between the Sheets" or a marathon pod unveiling GWE lists allows me to relax without the bad thoughts taking over my brain. You have no idea how happy I was to see a 9-hour "Wrestling with the Past" GWE podcast pop up in my feed this week. Perfect timing since I'll be laid up from chemo this weekend.
- Doing things I enjoyed pre-cancer helps me overcome the depression and anxiety that come with being diagnosed with cancer. I spent a lot of time laying around feeling sorry for myself after both my diagnosis and failed surgery. One day I forced myself to watch some wrestling -- something I've always enjoyed doing -- to help snap myself out of it. It's helped. Getting back to doing things you enjoy is a major step in learning to live with cancer instead of feeling sorry for yourself that you have cancer.
- To all who have put together the GWE project: THANK YOU! Diving into that project is a nice reprieve from the constant cancer talk that's filled our house in recent months.
- I've come up with a new way to rate matches: If I'm knocked down from chemo, any match that keeps me awake past 6 p.m. is considered a good to great match. The latest NXT special kept me awake until like 11 p.m. so I consider all of those matches 5-star classics. If you have any matches you'd like rated using this new system, let me know
That's about it. The battle continues. If you'd like more details, my Caring Bridge site is here.