Jump to content
Pro Wrestling Only

Radically Righteous Wrestling - Season One


Jesse Ewiak

Recommended Posts

Late at Night, somewhere on the upper end of your UHF dial, it's...

 

RADICALLY RIGHTEOUS WRESTLING!

dQc0ym9.jpg

Cut to the front of the Riveria Hotel & Casino in Las Vegas where David McLane is waiting, as a limo pulls up and after a moment, Vinny Blackstone (Goldie Rogers) stumbles out of the limo with two lovely ladies on his arms.

 

McLane: Mister Blackstone, we heard rumors you were ending your whirlwind global tour to come to Radically Righteous Wrestling and join the squared circle. Can you confirm that for everybody watching?

 

Blackstone: Daddy, it's true. I've traveled from Timbuktu to Tulsa and back again, but the fact is, jack, it doesn't matter if I'm playing on the same bill as the Stones, Springsteen, or even the Who, there's nothing that gets the blood flowing like a good fight in front of a crowd that wants to see one. That's why the original Guitar God is here in Vegas, not only for the great company, but to show everybody in Righteous Rad Wrestling that Vinny Blackstone is going to rise to the top, just like I've done in the charts all over the world. Have Merrrrrrcccyyyyy!

 

Vinny walks over, accompanied by his companions for the evening, heading into the hotel. Then, before McLane can end things, a Cadillac rolls up. A heavy set man in a suit gets out of the front, and then opens up the back. After a moment, Pablo Berecca (Tony Parisi) comes out of the vehicle, dressed in a three piece suit with a cigar in his mouth.

 

McLane: Mister Berecca, why are you here in Vegas? It's been rumored that you control the underworld in parts of thirteen states, but never Nevada!

 

Berecca: First of all, worm, I'm a legitimate businessman with interested all of this nation, whether it's Las Vegas, Chicago, or even Alabama. But, I'm not here about that. I'm here, because it's one thing to achieve success through cunning, intelligence, and leverage, as I've done. One thing though, that's been missing as I dispatch opponents in the dog eat dog world of legitimate legal business is getting my hands dirty. I grew up in the streets of Queens, scum, so I know how to pack a mean punch, so when one one of my lieuten – I mean, Vice President's came to me with the announcement of Radically Righteous Wrestling, I knew this was somewhere I could spill a little blood, break a few bones, and cause grevious bodily harm and it's all be legal and above board. Ain't America great?

 

Berecca and his bodyguard/driver/muscle walk away, again before McLane can answer.

 

McLane: Well, let's go to a very special look at another competitor coming to Radically Righteous Wrestling. He's a lot different than the two competitors you've already met. Let's take a look at...Valiant!

 

Cut to a music video with classic 80's synth focusing on Valiant (Keith Larson) doing some sprints, basic weight training, and some 'sparring' in a gym all while in voice over, he talks about wrestling all over the world and now, he'd come to Radically Righteous Wrestling to finally prove himself, but to wrestle the correct way to show kids all over the US it was possibly to be successful without cheating or cutting corners.

 

Valiant vs. Dr. X – Dr. X is a masked wrestler, but not that it matters. He attempts to get some momentum going, but very quickly, Valiant takes control in his American-themed tights, throwing Dr. X all around, hitting a few big slams, then finishing things off in only about four minutes with a big powerslam that was called American Made by McLane

 

Cut back to the front of the Riveria, where McLane is still waiting outside, but only for a moment, as a rusty truck pulls up, and out steps Ricky 'Tex' Hightowe (Mike Starbuck), who is wearing a cowboy hat, tight blue jeans, and a blue shirt, ala Urban Cowboy.

 

McLane: Mister Hightower, it's my pleasure to welcome you to Radically Righteous Wrestling. It's well known you've cleaned out bars all over Texas, but what has brought you here to Las Vegas?

 

Hightower: Well, like ya' said, Texas wasn't a challenge for me anymore. A bunch of tough hombres tried me daily, but I easily took them down, then made sure they didn't get back up. After a while, it got old hat to face down a drunk good ole' boy or five a night, then go home no worse or wear. It makes a fella' long for a real challenge, so despite the pain of leaving the greatest state in the country, I got in my truck and started the drive to the bright lights of Vegas.

 

McLane: Well, good luck Mister Hightower. I'm sure you'll find Vegas a little different than the old honky tonks you used to have brawls in back home.

 

Hightower: People are people everywhere, sir. A good right hand or a solid kick to the face will take anybody down, whether they're from Austin or Austria.

 

At that, Hightower also walks away, but before McLane can throw things back to the ring or a video package again, some very bad special effects happens and from nowhere, Hawke Grisson (Steve Pardee) 'materializes.' McLane is shocked and stumbles over his words.

 

McLane: Um, er, ah, excuse me? Who are you?

 

Grissom: Ah, so I'm not too late!

 

McLane: Too...late?

 

Grissom: Do you not understand the grave danger this entire sector is under? There are things going on that mere mortals can't comprehend, David. Only by entering and competing in the bloodsport you people call 'wrestling' can I stop both the Tachyon Affair of 2045 and the Pluto Incident of 2133. It's simple proto-history that can still be changed and I will do that, or my name isn't Hawke Grissom!

 

McLane simply stands there, confused as Grissom jogs away. After a second, Grissom pops back in view.

 

Grissom: Oh, and David, if you ever meet a dancer named Paula from Topeka, run the other way.

 

Again, a moment of complete confusion from McLane.

 

McLane: Er, all right. Let's take a look at another interesting competitor entering Radically Righteous Wrestling. He claims to be a direct descent of one of the greatest musicians in history. Let's see what Amadeus has to stay for himself.

 

Cut to a video where we see Amadeus (Tony St. Clair), white wig upon his head, sitting at a piano in an otherwise empty room. He “plays” some of Mozart's work, then looks up with a visage of disgust on his face, then continues to play, before standing up, slamming down the lid over the keys and kicking over the chair, before walking away.

 

Amadeus vs. The Masked Mauler – Throughout the entire match, Amadeus acts arrogant and aloof, barely attempting to engage in any offense against the Mauler and throughout most of the early parts of the match, simply reversing or sitting in holds as The Mauler attempts to lock something on. However, the moment the Mauler goes after the 'hair', Amadeus goes mad, throwing the Mauler down and locking him in a series of submission holds, before finally locking him an STF-style hold that was called Requiem. The Mauler quickly submitted, ending the match in a little over seven minutes. Afterwards, Amadeus was calm and serene again, turning his nose in digust at his fallen opponent, then leaving the ring.

 

Next up, a quick vignette advertising The Steel Dragon, coming to Radically Righteous Wrestling in the coming weeks!

 

Back to McLane, who is standing in front of the entrance to the Riveria once again, when an African-American walks up to him, dressed in a simply plain t-shirt and jeans walks up to him.

 

Man: Yo, you McLane?

 

McLane: Yes. Who's asking?

 

Man: You can call me Isaiah Hammer (Gerry Morrow). Other people call me Black Superman, the Scourge of Harlem, or the real Superfly, but what's important is I've got a message for anybody in Righteous Radically Wrestling. It's that I'm for hire, for whatever you need. So, come say hello and let's make a deal. I don't discriminate, so any honky can hire me, for the right price. You dig, brother?

 

McLane: I'm not sure, but welcome anyway.

 

Hammer goes to give McLane a complicated handshake, but thinks better of it, and pats him on the back, before walking away.

 

McLane: Well, I'm sure Mister Hammer will have many opprtunities for employment here in Radically Righteous Wrestling in the upcoming weeks as the competition only gets tougher. Now, here's who I was originally waiting for. Wait -

 

A crowd of people is surrounding somebody unseen, along with a few photographers and other hangers on. McLane walks after the group for a moment, then muscles his way in.

 

McLane: Mister Robinson, do you have anything to say about your entrance into Radical Righteous Wrestling?

 

An African-American man (Rudy Diamond) turns out, decked out in a burgundy outfit that'd make Lady Gaga go 'really' with a big smile as he looks at McLane.

 

Robinson: Davey, Davey, Davey, what did I tell you when I signed my contract? When The True Prince of Pop walks into the Riveria Hotel & Casino in beautiful Las Vegas, Nevada, you're getting the hottest superstar in the world. All around the world, there's only one question the world is asking. They don't care about the Berlin Wall, Ghostbusters, or Where's the Beef. The only question is what Jeremiah Robinson is going to do next and I have the answer!

 

Robinson waits for a moment for flashbulbs go off all around him.

 

Robinson: I'm going to show everybody on this little blue ball we call Earth that not only can I spacewalk, not only can I dance like nobody else can, not only can I charm any lady from here to Moscow, I can be the best athlete in the world, and I'll prove that in the ring.

 

Then, Robinson does a version of a 'moonwalk', then goes into the casino.

 

McLane: The stars get brighter and brighter here in Radically Righteous Wrestling, but let's look at a pair of athletes that have causes chaos in wrestling rings all around the world. Get a load of The Royal Samoans in action!

 

Cut to video of Superfly Tui Selinga and Super Samoan Sakalia in actual wrestling matches, smashing folks and running over opponents to a very bad cover of 'Godzilla' by Blue Oyster Cult.

 

The Royal Samoans vs. The Wasp Squad – Yes, it's two guys in wasp costumes. As you'd expect, Sakalia and Tui absolutely dominate their opponents, throwing both men all over the ring with ease. A few no sold headbutts and some violence later, Tui dives off the top rope with a splash to pick up the pinfall in a little over three minutes. The fun continues though, as they drag the other Wasp from the ring apron, beat him up, then Tui also hits a splash!

 

McLane is back in front of the Riveria Hotel & Casino, all alone this time.

 

McLane: Well, you've only seen a small peak at some of the great entertainers you'll see in the future in Radically Righteous Wrestling, but next up, you'll get our first big time feature match as Hake Grissom meets up with Pablo Berecca. So, let's go – oh, c'mon!

 

McLane's outburst is due to another limo pulling up. This time, a well dressed Japanese man, flanked by several stoic large Japanese men with shades on get out of the limo, followed by a unassuming white guy.

 

They walk up to McLane, and the Japanese man begins to berate McLane in Japanese. After a few moments of this, McLane breaks in.

 

McLane: Excuse me, excuse me. I don't know Japanese. What in the blue blazes are you yelling at me about?

 

The Japanese man leans over and talks to the white man, who steps in.

 

Translator: You should know who this is. KY Wakamatsu is one of the elite members of society in Japan, and he has taken great personal and business risk to come to this hovel of a city, to see if this wrestling promotion is the correct one to bear witness to two of Japan's finest athletes.

 

McLane: I'm sorry, but I never got any notice about any -

 

Again, the Japanese man badgers McLane. The English words, “idiot” “moron” are heard.

 

Translator: It is of no consequence what you know, errand boy. Only know that just as Japan has proved that American's are second rate when it comes to automobiles, electronics, and animation, the world will soon see that American's are also second rate at professional wrestling.

 

The group walks by, with one of the stoic men bumping into McLane on purpose.

 

McLane: Well, that was something. Let's go to the ring for our feature match.

 

Hawk Grissom vs Pablo Berecca – From the beginning, Grissom attempts to use his speed and technical ability against Pablo's power, but right from the start, the older mobster is willing to use shortcuts to take Grissom down, including a nasty kick to the kidneys, then a long Camel Clutch-style maneuver that is called a Genoan Necktie by Abrams on commentary.

 

Grissom powers out and hits a few hiptosses, dropkicks, and even nails Pablo with a big back bodydrop. However though, Grissom goes up top for a flying legdrop, but Berecca moves out of the way. Pablo then took control, including hitting a nasty backbreaker. After that, Berecca went for his patented senton he called the State's Evidence, but Grissom got his knees up. After a few attempts at a quick victory via cradle or sunset flip, Grissom managed to hit a vertical suplex to take Berecca down. Then, the space faring competitor took flight in his own way, landing on Pablo's sternum with a huge flying elbow called the Roswell Incident, the picked up the pinfall after about ten minutes of action.

 

Closing Video of the action from tonight over some synthy 80's goodness.

 

© 1985 - McLane-Abrams Enterprises

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Haven't had the pleasure to read any of your fantasy work in years Jesse, not since you wrote a Japan fed for my old league many years ago. This is a completely different direction and shows A. you know your 80's which is always great, and B. your creativity is off the charts. Great description and fun to be had. Love the Royal Samoans, but the Wasps were pretty fun too (love their description).

 

The names are absolutely awesome. Tex Hightower rocks lol. Amadeus, Valiant!, Hawk Grissom. Lots of fun stuff going on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Being a guy that's closely associated with "comedy wrestling" these days doing commentary for the Softcore Cup and $10 Rasslin', I really dig this alot and can't wait to see where you take all these crazy characters that you've done a great job creating and visualizing in this opening episode.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Late at Night, somewhere on the upper end of your UHF dial, it's...

RADICALLY RIGHTEOUS WRESTLING!

dQc0ym9.jpg

Unlike last week, for Episode Numero Uno, this time the show starts in front of the obviously blue screened 'RRW Control Center' where David McLane and Herb Abrams welcome us to the continuation of 'the new sensation rockin' the nation' – Radically Righteous Wrestling!

 

McLane goes over the events of the first show, then hypes up we'll see the in-ring debuts of Isaiah Hammer, Tex Hightower, and in the feature match for this episode, Jeremiah Robinson will take on Vinny Blackstone!

 

Abrams makes a bad joke about this being the ultimate Battle of the Bands, but then McLane sends us to a 'special look' at another interesting newcomer to Radically Righteous Wrestling!

 

From there, a complete and total ripoff of the theme from 'Indiana Jones' plays as video is shown of an unseen man punching out someone in a Nazi outfit, running through a jungle type area, and in a brawl in the back of a moving truck. Well, that's what it kind of look likes. After the man throws his opponent off the truck to God knows where, he turns around and the name Nebraska Smith (George Weingroff) comes up with the title Adventeruer, Genius, Fighter – Coming Soon! as he smiles at the camera, then the music kicks in again and he goes to get into the truck as we fade to black.

 

Ricky 'Tex' Hightower vs. The Masque – Some early offense from Hightower's masked opponent, but the lanky cowboy quickly asserts his dominance to some shrieks from the females in the audience. He then goes to work on Masque, with punches, kicks, and even a big-time running kneelift, but picks up the win after a hanging vertical suplex that McLane dubs the Hang 'Em High. After the match, The Masque tries a post-match attack as Hightower raises him arm, but Hightower reverses the Irish Whip and lariats The Masque down to the mat!

 

After that, we're back to the Control Center, but this time Abrams and McLane have a guest. Sharp eyes viewers from last week will recognize Valiant standing in front of them. Out of the ring, Valiant has on a flag-styled headband along with a 'RRW' t-shirt (send for it today!) with a big grin.

 

McLane: That was certainly an impressive victory for big Tex Hightower. But, my guest at the moment had just a big victory last week during the debut of Radically Righteous Wrestling. I didn't get a chance to speak with you, but Valiant, what are you goals here?

 

Valiant: Well, Mister McLane, all over the world, you see such darkenss, deceit, and destruction, all the way from Tehran to Tokyo. We've got cities crumbling in this nation, people out of work, and weirdos trying to subvert true American values like truth, honesty, and respect. So, that's why here, in Radically Righteous Wrestling, I want to show the youth of this great nation, from Portland to Philadelphia, that what's truly righteous and radical is to stand up for fair play, honesty, and charity, even in a place like Las Vegas!

 

McLane: Well, this isn't exactly Pleasantville by any stretch of the imagination. But, is there anybody who'd you like to wrestle in the upcoming weeks?

 

Valiant: I'll take anybody on and show them that the real American Spirit lives on and nobody, not any Commies or sneaky Japanese will take the good ole U – S – of – A down! Yeah!

 

Valiant cheers, then runs off to some light applause from the folks at the Riveria.

 

McLane: We'll be right back!

 

Next up, we open up on Starman, already in the ring. Then, some Blacksploitation-ish music hits and Isaiah Hammer walks out, dressed in the same outfit from the previous week. After he's announced, he takes the mic from our unnamed ring announcer.

 

Hammer: Listen here! I'm going to show the world I got no time for lame jerk-offs like the masked moron standing across for me in this ring. My business is kicking skulls, wrecking necks, and doing whatever that needs to be done, all for the right price. So just remember, no matter what, if you've got the cash, Isaiah Hammer's will be your brother!

 

Isaiah Hammer vs. Starman – Hammer overpowers Starman right from the start, throwing him around and dealing several big blows, including a big clothesline in the corner. As Hammer continues his beatdown, McLane is shocked when K.Y. Wakamatsu comes out near ringside, taking notes as Hammer continues to utterly destroy Starman, before finishing him off with the Hammer Blow, a Russian Sickle type of strike to the chest.

 

Hammer raises his fist as the referee raises his hand, then rolls out of the ring. He stares K.Y. Down a moment, then walks away.

 

Cut to the 'Control Center' once again, where McLane and Abrams are talking over what it means that Wakamatsu was scouting out Hammer when all of the sudden, a man busts through from the side. He's clad in blue jeans, a green Army jacket, and has a few days worth of growth on his face. He seems wild eyed and completely out of sorts.

 

McLane: Excuse me, excuse me. This is a closed set. Nobody is allowed -

 

The man (Jack Armstrong) grabs the mic from McLane.

 

Man: Brother, you don't what's going on at all! I've been on the road for weeks and week, hitching all around the country just to get to here. You don't want to know what I've done, just for this chance. This one chane.

 

McLane: What chance?

 

Man: The chance to get rid of the nightmares. The chance to rid myself of the horrors I see every night when I closed my eyes, Mister. When you've been everywhere in Southeast Asia that good ole' Uncle Sam can send you and some he legally can't, it's a little difficult to come back and start selling Ford Pinto's to little old ladies for forty hours a week. Ya know?

 

McLane: Um, no I don't. That still doesn't explain who you are and why you're here.

 

Man: It's pretty simple. I'm Mack Bunker. Some guys who are at the bottom of an unnamed river in 'Nam used to call me Shell Shock. I'm here to expunge my demons and if I can't do that, at least maybe I can create some new nightmares.

 

At that, Bunker drops the mic and walks away. McLane takes the mic, but is cut off before he can say anything by what seems to be a movie trailer, but within a few seconds, it's fairly obvious it's another video for a new character. It's set inside a cabin and two obvious model/actresses are in skimpy clothes in the middle of the living room.

 

Girl One: So many died. So many.

 

Girl Two: It's OK though. We made it. It's gone and dead. Nothing could survive a crashl ike that into the lake.

 

As she says that, you can see a massive shape walking behind them.

 

Girl One: Now, we just need to wait out the night, then in the morning, find the – ACK!

 

The 'ack' is caused by her being hit from behind by a shovel to the back of her head. She slumps to the ground, then the second girl turns around and screams as the large man (Lord Humongous) raises a large sickle type object.

 

We then cut to a voice over that says, “The Scrayper, coming to a ring near you!”

 

Pablo Berecca vs. Rook – Rook is a masked man with a rook piece from chess on his mask. I don't know either. As you'd expect, Berecca is upset after last weeks loss, and goes right on offense, smashing Rook with several strikes, a knee to the gut and a vicious DDT to get the initial momentum. From there, the attack continues with Berecca locking Rook in the Genoan Necktie for a couple of minutes until Rook makes the ropes. Berecca immediately drags Rook to the middle of the ring, hits the States Evidence (senton) to pick up the win after about six minutes of action.

 

Cut back to the 'Control Center' where McLane is standing with Hawke Grissom. Grissom is still in his leather jacket and 'futuristic' pants from last week.

 

McLane: Mister Grissom, you had an impressive first week here in Radically Righteous Wrestling, defeating the man we just saw in action in our first feature match. But, this was even more important than that, at least, according to you. Would you mind filling in our viewers on what you told me?

 

Grissom: Well, if Berecca had won last week against his original opponent, by the end of the millennium, he'd be the unquestioned Godfather of the entire West Coast, Miami, and own all of Las Vegas. It'd take a task force of hundreds to completely take him down and he'd end up living out his days in exile in the United Soviet Republics.

 

McLane: Don't you mean the USSR?

 

Grissom: No, that's insane. The USSR dissolves in 2004 after President Gore signs the Moscow Accords. Anyway, now that's not a problem and I'm slowly fixing the timestream. But, this is only the beginning. You see, this place here -

 

McLane: The Riveria Hotel and Casino?

 

Grissom: Again, no. Radically Righteous Wrestling. This place is a Nexus in the timelime. From here, there are many branching paths, but it's my responsibility to make sure only the correct path is taken and we don't end up in any of the darkest timelines.

 

McLane: What darkest timelines, Hawke?

 

Grissom: Well, in 65.4% of timelines, professional wrestling is banned. I aim to fix that, by making sure some of the monsters that cause that get nipped in the bud. Now, if you don't mind, I've got to take a side trip to 2056. I shall return!

 

Grissom then 'demateralizes' again in a bit of terrible special effects.

 

McLane: I assume he'll be back. We'll return with our feature match, right here on Radically Righteous Wrestling!

 

As we head to commercial, another hype video for The Steel Dragon plays, showing a man hitting various kung-fu moves on hapless opponents, but it's unclear who he is.

 

'The Prince of Pop' Jeremiah Robinson vs. Vinny Blackstone – Robinson comes down to the ring, with several dancers and a whole routine, ending with him 'moonwalking' into the ring before doing a dance as a bad ripoff of 'Thriller' plays. Blackstone waits outside, suitably unimpressed. As the bell rings, Blackstone jumps the 'Prince of Pop', and goes right to work with some stomps, kicks, and even a kneedrop before playing to the crowd. After a big elbowdrop, Blackstone whips Robinson into the ropes and drills Jeremiah with a big dropkick that gets a near fall. After a few more moves, Blackstone goes for a bulldog out of the corner, but Robinson sends him into the corner and almost gets the pin after a Victory Roll, then hits a headscissors takedown followed by a dropkick of his own. After a quick dance to play to the crowd, 'The Prince of Pop' heads upstairs and goes for a flying cross body, but Blackstone is ready and plants him with a powerslam for another nearfall. Blackstone then signals for, and goes for the Power Chord (double arm DDT), but Jeremiah blocks it, and then forces Vinny in the corner. Blackstone knees out of it, and dives with a sunset flip, but Robinson grabs his leg and almost gets the pin again before Blackstone kicks out of it.

 

The two competitors circle each other, but Blackstone goes dirty with an eye poke, and hits a quick hip toss on Jeremiah. Robinson gets up, only to get cracked with a dropkick again, then Vinny goes to the second rope himself and goes for an elbow drop, but Robinson rolls away to a pop! 'The Prince of Pop' does a little dance in the ring again, then as Blackstone gets up, Robinson drills him with the PYT to pick up the pinfall victory after a little under thirteen minutes of action.

 

Closing Video of the action from tonight over some synthy 1980's goodness.

 

© 1985 - McLane-Abrams Enterprises

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Valiant hitting almost every cliche cheap pop talking point and the walking off to "light applause" is just about perfect.

 

You are absolutely hitting the target of GLOW-style 80s "zany" characters and promos. It's genuinely a joy to read this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

As Gordi said, this is the perfect male version of GLOW. So cheesey that you can't help but watch. All the cool names of the wrestlers and the moves shows your creativity. This would be driving all the other promoters wild. As they are trying to make wrestling as legitimate as possible to draw fans, you are gaining popularity by making it look ridiculous. KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...