Bobby Heenan RIP
Posted 17 September 2017 - 08:59 PM
"A friend in need is a pest."
"What happened there? My monitor went out."
"You don't have to yell at me! I'm not blind!"
Gorilla: "Brain, if you keep quiet, no one will know how stupid you are."
Bobby: "You're kidding."
Heenan: " That's either the flock or the who's who of skid row."
Schiavone: " Maybe both."
(After saying something smart)
"Do you think this brain thing is a gimmick?"
"If you ever had your moon salted you'd know how painful that could be."
(after Juventud Guerrera took off his mask)
"Maybe that's Okerlund under there?" and later. . .
"Now when he delivers pizza, everyone will know who he is."
(Talking about the Narcissist Lex Luger's elbow)
"He's had more hits than Elvis."
"You know what slows down Typhoon? Twinkies--Hostess Cupcakes."
(Talking about Typhoon)
"He uses his weight advantage at dinner."
"Doink is like Jell-o: there is always room for more."
"It's a dog eat dog world, and Mr. Perfect is a Milk Bone."
(When Bob Backlund is entering the arena)
"At 234 pounds, from Mayberry, Opie Taylor."
"North Dakota State. What do you have to do there to graduate? Milk a cow with your left hand?
Jim Ross: "Hey everybody can't be born with a silver spoon in their mouth and have a chauffeur named Jennifer, who told me she hasn't had a raise in several months."
Bobby Heenan: "She said that?"
Heenan: "She's fired. I'll unload her like I found her. Do you need a job on the weekends?"
Ross: "I'm a little busy on the weekend"
Heenan: "Oh that's right, you just drive pickup trucks."
"Stu Hart trained all his kids--only three of them use the litter box."
(Talking about the Guerrero family)
"Their family is watching this at home wondering if the wheels are going to get stolen off their house.
(Chris Benoit was wrestling a fake midget Rey Mysterio, Jr.)
"I know who that is. It is the chihuahua from the Taco Bell commercials."
Terry Schiavone: "I smell Jackhammer. I smell Hogan."
Bobby Heenan: "Anyone close to him does."
Heenan: "You call them Luchadores?"
Heenan: "That sounds like the tight pants that you wear at a bullfight."
(Talking about Chavo Guerrero)
"He's the only guy I know that has a stable of stick horses."
"If you're poor and you do something stupid, you're nuts. If you're rich and do something stupid, you're eccentric."
"You know you put too many lemons in your lemonade when you pucker too much."
Tony Schiavone: "Scott Hall is looking a little better this week."
Bobby Heenan: "It's only Monday."
"There's another way to look at this: there are 153 Villanos wrestling."
(Talking about Chris Jericho)
Lee Marshall: "He is an ego maniac."
Bobby Heenan: "But he's good at it!"
Lee Marshall: "Good observation Brain."
Bobby Heenan: "That's why I'm called the Brain. And that's why I'm here on the Brain Station, TBS."
(Talking about Raven)
Bobby Heenan: "I wonder what his childhood was like: was he from wealthy parents, was he neglected, or was he spoiled?
Tony Schiavone: "Who cares?"
Heenan: "I do!"
Bobby Heenan: "Some nights the Villanos sit around the fire with popcorn and their masks on."
Tony Schiavone: "I hate you!"
(Talking about Alex Wright)
"His mother told me when he was eight months old he sat up in his crib and said 'Headlock.' "
(Talking about Koko B. Ware)
"The job is only half done. If they want to shrink his head, they already shrunk his haircut."
(Talking about Yokozuna on the day before Thanksgiving)
"505 pounds and maybe more after tomorrow."
"There is good news and bad news about Rey's shirt, The bad news is the shirt don't fit him, the good news is all the luchadores are moving in"
"There trying to say he just put the figure three on him self."
"If it wasn't for Mrs. Gurrero's chili they wouldn't have invented Rolaids."
Bobby Heenan: "That's not the first time he's been on the ground holding his stomach."
Tony Schiavone: "Huh?"
Bobby Heenan: "Obviously you've never had any of Mrs. Gurrero's chili."
"If you were smart you could have made a Duralog out of Pepe."
(crack at the Bushwhackers)
"The city of New York could legally condemn them."
Gorilla Monsoon: "The Pendulum swings."
Bobby Heenan: "Like a pendulum do."
Gorilla Monsoon: "is that a tune?"
Bobby Heenan: "Why do you hear music?"
Gorilla Monsoon: "No."
(Talking about Jim Niedhart)
"Now he's the sane one of the team?"
(Jim Niedhart looks into the camera and laughs)
"I think his headband is on too tight on the Anvil's head. I see I'm right."
"That shirt: It's like sinus infection green."
Tony Schiavone "I'm sure a liar has to make a living like everyone else."
Bobby Heenan "That's why we're here."
(Talking about Ralphus's dress)
"Obviously some cheap motel is missing a shower curtain."
"How could you not turn your attention to Ralphus; he's quite the looker."
(Talking about Chavo Guerrero, Jr.)
"He's never been the same since he lost Mr. Ed."
Bobby Heenan: "And don't forget Mickey Jay. He's a second generation, too."
Tony Schiavone: "Who's his father?"
Bobby Heenan: "He's not a wrestling referee. He ref'ed a pee-wee football league back in the '40's."
(Talking about Rey Mysterio, Jr. before he unmasks)
"I think he's ugly. What do you guys think?"
(After Rey Mysterio, Jr. unmasks)
"It's Leave it to Beaver!"
"You should just get beat up for having a last name Whipneck."
(Talking about Mikey Whipwreck)
"Do you think that when Mikey was a kid, was he his parents' little whipper-snapper?"
"Tony, it looks like your room at the Motel 3."
(Talking about Will Sasso from Mad TV)
"We're watching the illegitimate child of Alfred E. Neuman out there."
(Talking about Will Sasso's outfit)
"Do you know what the number 73 means? That's the number of double cheeseburgers he had from 4 - 5."
"I smell a title change, or is it you Tony?"
Bobby Heenan: "I figured out who the Patriot is."
Tony Schiavone: "Who?"
BH: "Where is he from?"
TS: "Washington, DC."
BH: "It's Al Gore."
Mike Tenay: "He's got Roman numerals on his trunks."
Bobby Heenan: "His numerals shouldn't be roamin'."
Mike Tenay: "What took us so long to come to Chapel Hill?"
Bobby Heenan: "We couldn't find it."
(Talking about Tony Schiavone)
"Next week I'll be on the Cartoon Network with pictures of your last date."
(Talking about Jim Duggan)
"He's has a disadvantage when he wakes up."
"What good is shaking your hands? If you want to shake something, put your hands together and wrap them around your opponent's head."
"I remembered when Tony came to WCW. He took the mask off and his career skyrocketed."
"You spend nine years in a hardcore punk band--of course you'd be deaf."
Mike Tenay: "Just who is the leader of the nWo?"
Bobby Heenan: "I'm not sure, but I wouldn't be surprised if Tony Danza comes out."
(During a hardcore match)
"These two move more furniture than Mayflower."
Tony Schiavone: "Don't try this in your backyard."
Bobby Heenan: "Do it in your living room, it is much more fun. Or maybe in Tony's living room, he'll never know."
"What has Saturn got on? Mudflaps?"
(Booker T makes his own count for the win)
"That wouldn't work. You gotta have a guy dressed like a zebra for that."
"Just the other day I was talking to Cal Ripken, Jr. and he asked me 'Do they pay Tony?' "
"And for those of you that dropped out of high school, remember the famous phrase: 'Do you want fries with that?' "
"I don't have el zippo, I don't even smoke or have a lighter!"
(Talking about Hulk Hogan and pyrotechnics)
"At least he doesn't have to worry about his hair catching on fire."
Jim Ross: "Tremendous ovation for Hacksaw Jim Duggan."
Bobby Heenan: "I don't know why!"
"Kidman's like a broken drum: hard to beat."
"You don't need a vacuum cleaner out here: he's cleaning house himself."
(If Kidman lost the hair vs. mask match)
"What a great new tag team: The Okerlunds"
(Referring to the First Family, who were wearing masks, at Halloween Havoc)
"Jimmy Hart told me they would be wearing masks to the ring. I'm wondering why aren't they."
Tony Schiavone: "I never even knew Evan Karagias was here."
Bobby Heenan: "I never know where he is and don't care."
"Is everyone from Texas nuts, or are we just lucky to see the ones we do?"
Tony Schiavone: "Pardon me."
Bobby Heenan: "I'm not the governor."
Gorilla Monsoon: "He might have some relatives here. He's looking around."
Bobby Heenan: "He's looking for the exit: the quick way out."
Gorilla Monsoon: "The Texas Tornado could sustain permanent brain damage if it's kept on for much longer."
Bobby Heenan: "Then again it could increase his IQ by 9 points. That would make an even 10."
Gorilla Monsoon: "The corner of the steps hit him in the trapezius."
Bobby Heenan: "That's what they use in the circus."
Tony Schiavone: "That's one of the tings that makes this sport great."
Bobby Heenan: "No I'm one of the things that makes this sport great!"
(Referring to Tony Schiavone)
"That's "The Brain" right there. -And that's the other part of the anatomy"
Posted 17 September 2017 - 09:44 PM
"Goodbye to another friend. Bobby Heenan has been my hero these past few years. How he battled cancer with such defiance and courage in recent years has mystified me. He was always sharp as a tack, and whether anyone, including him ever knew it, he was the absolute absolute toughest man the wrestling world ever knew. Rest in peace Bobby, nobody will ever forget all that you gave. Bret"
Posted 17 September 2017 - 10:16 PM
Truly one of the best to ever do it. No one has come close. There are so few personalities in pro wrestling that can do all that he did and do it so convincingly and with such apparent ease. Just amazing all around. His HOF speech is one of the best of all time and his shout out to Monsoon but at the HOF, NItro, and every other place is always touching to see and hear. When I think of pro wrestling managers--I think Bobby Heenan.
Posted 18 September 2017 - 12:19 AM
Bobby was a stand-up guy in every way. Always was true to his word. When everyone in AWA chased the money in New York, Bobby stayed to finish up the dates he was booked. Bobby was so creative and knew how to get the audience eating out of his hand.
Bobby's talent should have been used to develop new ideas when his neck issues took him off the road.Atlanta gave him great offer and Vince should have been thankful for everything Bobby did for the company. God Bless the Heenan family.
Posted 18 September 2017 - 12:35 AM
Bobby would have been a great stand up comic how quick he could come back with lines.
Im suprised WWE didn't hire him after Mania 2001.
Posted 18 September 2017 - 02:29 AM
Poor Bobby. That really closes another chapter in my fandom.
Posted 18 September 2017 - 04:46 AM
They don't cut them from the same mold as Bobby anymore. RIP Brain.
Posted 18 September 2017 - 04:57 AM
They don't make them like Bobby Heenan anymore. So talented that if he had connections and so desired, he could have been a success in entertainment. I mean really just think about it. Who would out shine him. Imagine if he was on Saturday Night Live! He would be a great side kick to any Late Night Star.
I think Meltzer said that he was being offered scripts for sitcoms at one point. I'd imagine during the SNME era NBC could have seen talent in someone like Bobby that went beyond wrestling.
Posted 18 September 2017 - 06:08 AM
Like everyone, I'm devastated. It was so unfair for cancer to take away Bobby Heenan's greatest gift with his gift of gab. Now, he's just gone. There'll never be another manager like Bobby Heenan. The absolute greatest manager of all-time.
Agreed 100 percent. Tough one here...most of the guys I grew up watching have passed now. Guys like Bock, Verne, Vachon, and especially Heenan are a big part of what made me a life long fan.
RIP and thanks for the memories.
Posted 18 September 2017 - 06:29 AM
Heenan suffered an injury a couple of a years ago (I think it's when he fell when he was in Vegas for Tenay's kid's wedding). Right around that time, some enterprising internet troll was basically spending months of his time portraying Heenan's wife believably on Twitter. This was all a long game to set up a plausibly believable Heenan account, which, I suppose, as such things go, was pretty clever and eventually fooled a lot of people in the business until it was debunked. One thing the fake account did was sort of send out a call for get well letters using the personal mailing address that was found elsewhere on the internet and that other people previously had success getting autographs with.
I'm pretty certain that, if we're not counting wedding thank you notes back in 09, this is the only actual letter I've mailed to anyone in the entire world in the last ten years. I sent a one pager just telling him what he (and Monsoon) meant to my childhood, my nostalgia, and how listening to him shaped my sense of humor and even how I used his example in my professional life (and I'm a bureaucrat). I finished it talking about how I'd discovered his pairing with Bockwinkel and even how I had recently watched the unearthed Bockwinkel vs Morton match which was one of the very few where Heenan went to Houston with Bock.
Once the account got debunked, I felt like quite the mark, but looking back now, the letter was never sent back RTS. I never received a response, but I didn't ask for one either. I'm fairly certain it reached it's destination. Even though I felt sort of foolish at the time, now I'm very glad I had the opportunity to send it.
Posted 18 September 2017 - 08:27 AM
Posted 18 September 2017 - 09:09 AM
Hard to find a more entertaining guy in the history of the business. GOAT manager.
He fought cancer for a long ass time, RIP.
Posted 18 September 2017 - 09:18 AM
The greatest performer in wrestling history. This one really hits me hard, even though he had been in bad shape for a while. I believe Monsoon was on the other side of the pearly gates waiting but still, it sucks for those of us left behind.
Posted 18 September 2017 - 09:24 AM
Lust Hogan that was an amazing post. I have never seen a Typhoon match, but now I may have to after reading those hilarious Heenan quotes.
Bobby The Brain reminds me so much of my Uncle Mike. Their sense of humor is so incredibly similar. I just love that style of humor. Heenan was a part of my childhood as the announcer for Nitro and now going back to watch AWA & WWF 80s he is a great part of my adult life. There are very few pro wrestling personalities that could have been stars in other fields, but I agree with the sentiment that The Brain could have been a break-out standup comedian. I will say I am much happier that he was in the greatest entertainment field of them all Bobby the Brain. Thanks for all the memories. RIP The Brain.
Posted 18 September 2017 - 09:57 AM
I've never read one negative comment about him personally.
I think it really says a lot about a person who worked in this business.
Posted 18 September 2017 - 01:19 PM
Poor Bobby. That really closes another chapter in my fandom.
For me every time I hear about another performer passing away I just am getting closer and closer to quitting watching wrestling. It's a sad feeling when you hear about another great thats no longer with us.
Posted 18 September 2017 - 01:59 PM
Nice story Matt D, and you shouldn't feel foolish for being a nice person!
Posted 18 September 2017 - 03:06 PM
I can count on one hand the number of people who have brought me as much joy from my wrestling fandom as Bobby Heenan. Sad news indeed.
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