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[2000-08-13-ECW-Hardcore TV] Balls Mahoney vs Rob Van Dam


soup23

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This was bad. The worst type of RVD match that is super long and gratuitous without much to any structure. I did think we might be going somewhere when Balls hit a good piledriver and he did blade nicely here but RVD shrugged that off and it was business as usual for the home stretch. The crowd was chanting Van Terminator so I can't blame him for doing that. *1/4

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  • GSR changed the title to [2000-08-13-ECW-Hardcore TV] Balls Mahoney vs Rob Van Dam
  • 5 months later...

Things don’t start off the best, with Van Dam backed up against the ropes a Balls spinning heel kick is supposed to take them both over the top to the floor, neither happens though as Balls gets tangled in the ropes and RVD doesn’t have the momentum to take the backwards bump required.  They head out to the floor anyway and Van Dam takes a pedestrian whip into the guard rail.  I’ll never understand why the fans are so desperate to pass the wrestlers cups of beer to use as weapons, guessing ale is cheaper in the US than the UK!  RVD leaps up on to the guard rail but Balls gives him a shove in the keister and he falls into the crowd.  VAN DAM IS NOW MORE INTERESTED WITH HIGH FIVING FANS THAN THE MATCH AND HIS OPPONENT!!!  Fonzie is in Balls’ face, presumably to give Van Dam even more time to high five the fans, and he was supposed to throw him over the guard rail too, however continues to have a mare, not even managing to do that!  He sets off after RVD and they fight amongst the fans, although the camera work here is worse than RF’s fancams.  As they return to ringside we return to the hard cam and this becomes instantly more watchable.  Balls stands a table up over the guard rail but Van Dam reverses the whip and he goes crashing through it himself.  Does RVD follow up on that?  Does he heck!  He gets in the ring, showboats to the crowd and then returns to the outside!  That gives Balls time to recover and we get yet another Irish whip on the floor, and another that is reversed as Van Dam flies into the guard rail…again!  At least he went at a decent speed this time I suppose.  Balls snatches the timekeeper’s bell and lightly jogs towards Van Dam.  He’s got plenty of time with how slow his opponent is moving, comfortably moves out the way and somehow Balls manages to end up going head first into the ring bell himself.  Of course as if this match hasn’t been bad enough already, that busts Balls open.  Pescado by RVD before we get the Fonzie chair assistance section.  He telegraphs a backdrop mind and Balls counters with a piledriver, although the fans would prefer to chant for a ‘Van Terminator’ than get behind him.  RVD kicks out of the New Jersey Jam (top rope leg drop) and Balls has this really sweet looking rolling cradle that he gets a near fall from.  After ducking a chair shot Van Dam then mistimes the ‘Van Daminator’.  He gets caught upstairs and Balls with a ‘Nutcracker Suite’ that Van Dam kicks out of.  Balls destroys him with an unprotected chair shot to the head and with RVD now not moving, Fonzie is in for the save, cracking Balls over the back with a chair.  Of course that wasn’t a DQ though.  ‘Nutcracker Suite’ off the top and RVD KICKS OUT OF THAT!!! This has become preposterous.  Balls buries him under a couple of chairs and heads up top for a frog splash of his own when Fonzie grabs his ankle to prevent him from doing so.  Still no DQ!  I wish I had noted whether this was Kehner refereeing after how officious and what a stickler for the rules he was being in the Hot Commodity six man.  RVD fires a chair at Balls’ skull and lands a superplex.  Top rope ‘Van Daminator’, Balls collapses in the corner and the crowd get their ‘Van Terminator’ wish.

I don’t know where to begin so will keep this short, but if you combine blown spots, bad camera work, parodying wrestling (the slow mo running), terrible looking bumps (Balls into the ring bell), blatant and repetitive managerial interference that is just let go, ridiculous kick outs of moves that should in theory lead to a stretcher job, combined with being overly long, you have this match in a nutshell.   Awful.

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