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  • 2 months later...

SOMEWHERE IN THE GULF OF MEXICO

 

Pretty infamous, but I'll recap. Vader, Sid, Parker and Race are upset that Sting and Davey Boy missed their rally to play volleyball on the beach with a bunch of kids. Race asks Cheatum if he trusts him "to do it", and Parker says he trusts Cheatum as if he was his own. Then everyone maniacally laughs for about 30 seconds.

 

Then we cut to Cheatum snorkeling with a shark fin on his back to Sting and Davey Boy's boat, where he places a bomb. Cut back to the beach, where Sting and Davey Boy are still playing volleyball when this bizarre tank-looking thing shows up.

 

Davey Boy: "Looks like we got some uninvited guests."

 

The two teams forever walk toward each other while western music plays.

 

Col. Parker, in an incredibly gracious move, offers tickets to go to some retirement community.

 

Sting and Davey Boy in unison say, "No, I don't think so. I'll see you at Beach Blast."

 

Kids in unison then say, "Yay Beach Blast!"

 

Sting is back on the boat trying to find the bomb. Davey Boy pulls Sting off at the last minute and THE BOAT EXPLODES. Everyone standing on the beach is in tears because they think the two are dead at first, but they come out of the water with their hands in the air.

 

To be continued at Beach Blast.

 

I am still shocked that a major wrestling promotion did this. It's tough for me to think of anything worse in terms of hyping a PPV that any major company has ever done, and that covers a lot of ground.

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  • 1 year later...

Even though I'd seen it before I was still half expecting to see the Hoff or Pamela Anderson appear on the beach.

 

I think this was the last time they used Cheatum. I wonder what became of him? Actually I don't want to know.

 

The crazy thing is how much money they must have blown making these segments, because they were shot like movies. No promotion knew how to waste money better than WCW.

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There's so much horrible things in this. Amazingly horrible. This may be the apex of pre-Russo Wrestlecrap material. Even "there are no Hulkamaniacs here" doesn't approach this masterpiece of suck. The incredibly bad acting (Harley Race is so godamn awful in these segments, bless him). The ridiculousness of the whole thing. The insistance of having that EVIL MIDGET showing up. The kids. The fact Sid and Vader are dressed up in their wrestling gear. Davey Boy saving Sting from a terrorist bombing. And the worst of it all : Sid Vicious in FLIP FLOPS !

Who is the genius who came up with this stuff anyway ?

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  • 1 year later...

There was some serious volleyball infractions during this game. Harley is funny. Cheatum the shark! This is so campy ridiculous. Cheatum plants on a bomb on the boat of Sting/Bulldog. I love how Vader and Sid are in wrestling gear on the beach. Bulldog hits a vicious flying clothesline on Sting to protect him from getting blown up! Quite the field trip for those kids to be able to play volleyball on a deserted island.

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  • 1 month later...

So, so much awful here. Vader and Sid in wrestling gear. Parker taking the opposite approach and wearing his colonel's outfit while boating in the Gulf of Mexico. The Jaws knock-off music. the Jarmuschian use of fadeouts, Davey Boy's line readings, the weird transition to a spaghetti western...and the whole fucking premise. The only thing I can say about this is that I don't think it's quite as bad as the worst of the Black Scorpion--the last WTBBP podcast on Clash 13 reinforced that for me.

 

I want to know who was responsible for these mini-movies. It's too easy to just pin it on the Executive VP, because they occurred under Watts, under the interregnum period, and here (I don't even know if Bischoff was in power yet). It had to be somebody above them. This is the most unbelievable of them all.

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  • 1 year later...

Man I am going to have to think long and hard whether Black Scorpion, Oz, or this is the worst wrestle crap I have seen. There was so much bad and corny here. That boat that Vader and Sid show up on is ridiculous as well as Sid's flips flops. Wrestle Crap in its finest.

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  • 5 months later...
  • 11 months later...

Everyvody else stole my thunder, so I'll give out kudos instead, at least to one man: Robert Fuller. At least his lines sounded like English when he read them, which is more than I can say for Sid, Vader, or Harley.

 

Good God, is Harley out of place here. Do this man a favor and put him in the front office somewhere before his reputation is ruined forever. He's done his job and given Vader credibility; now he has to save his own before it's too late, if it isn't already. While I'm on the subject, I don't want to hear another word about how Vince's crown and robe made him into a joke. He may have looked a bit sillier than normal coming to the ring, but he was allowed to be Harley Race otherwise. He had Heenan as his manager when the Brain was the most over manager in the WWF by a country mile, and he got a Mania payday and two televised runs (one each in New York and Boston) with Hogan out of the deal. What possible upside could there be for him to keep this up? He's too old to take a beating like he once did, and interfering in matches has to be hell on him. Let Fuller take whatever beatings come out of this cinematic masterpiece.

 

Sting wasn't pitiful here, but Davey more than made up for it. He tried his best, but his accent's just too thick for him to handle much talking.

 

As I said about the last movie, the tragedy of these wasn't that they were done, it's that they were done needlessly, accomplishing nothing that a simple studio confrontation, the kind that's been a staple of wrestling since it's been on TV and was probably done on radio before that, couldn't have. Just have Vader and Sid confront Sting and Davey on the interview set when they're with Tony and launch an attack, which Sting and Davey repel. Simple. cheap, and able to be done in four or five minutes, not eight. They could have even done Fuller's bit with the tickets to the retirement home. All that would have been missing were the kids, the volleyball game, and the midget blowing up the boat, We could have seen the first two during a Control Center, and who gives a damn about the third?

 

For those who complain about the heels being in their wrestling gear (or in Fuller's case, his colonel's outfit), let me ask you a question: Are you ready for the sight of Vader or Sid (not to mention their respective managers) in beachwear? Seeing Fuller or Vader in cutoff shorts would have made me want to take a hammer to either my computer or my head, whichever was handier. At least Harley wore a golf shirt and pants.

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  • GSR changed the title to [1993-06-19-WCW-Saturday Night] Exploding Boat

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