The situation is dire! USWA, the once proud wrestling promotion is dying. The Monday Night Wars between the WWF and WCW have taken the life out of the Memphis wrestling scene. The day that was once owned by the Mid-South Coliseum now has two mega-companies giving pay per view quality like shows away for free on cable. The attendance at the weekly show in the Coliseum has dwindled from a once staggering number of almost 10,000 a week to barely 600 or 700 hundred. The situation is so bad that the UWA superstar, Jerry “The King” Lawler has signed on with the WWF to be a part time wrestler/announcer on their MONDAY show. How can the USWA survive the Monday night wars without The King?
The owner, Jerry Jarrett, is behind the times. He continues to push squash match after squash match on TV and expects people to sit there and give an hour and a half of their weekends watching a ridiculously bad TV show. The show is tapped at the WCM-TV 5 studio is Memphis and is filmed in front of 300 young kids watching gimmick after gimmick. The wrestlers come out from behind a curtain and walk about 6 feet across a black and white checkerboard floor to the ring while the WWF and WWF shows come from huge arenas with all the bells and whistles. Jarrett, maybe out of necessity, uses gimmick after gimmick but it is that he thinks his competition is the Saturday morning cartoons then the Monday Night Wars. Jerry Lawler who has tried to talk to him time after time but to no avail. It would make more sense if he owned this company rather than Jarrett. You can’t go a ¼ of mile in Memphis without seeing something owned by Lawler. From restaurants to car washes, Lawler is Mr. Memphis!
Jarrett’s newest solution? Hire me to be his new head booker. I told you this situation was dire. I have no experience but that doesn’t seem to matter. Mr. Jarrett gave me the month of August to sit back, watch and learn. I learned that if I sit back, there might not be USWA Wrestling come September. I, with the blessing of Jerry Lawler, got to work. I still believe that whatever The King says goes and that Jarrett just tries to act like he is in charge.
Well here are my solutions:
1. Change the roster! Get rid of the gimmicks and bring in some veterans with name recognition. Out is Spellbinder, in is Barry Windham! Out is Gorgeous George III, in Chris Jerricho and so on and so on.
2. Use some old Memphis feuds to add name recognition and put some fannies in the seats. Jerry Lawler, Bill Dundee, Jeff Jarrett, Tommy Rich are all here and like in the past, the will battling it out and switching alliances all the time. Heel to baby face turns and vice versa will be the norm. That being said, the straw the stirs the drink, “The Mouth of the South, Jimmy Hart, is all back. You can bet that his First Family will once again be after the King and his USWA Unified World Title.
3. Let’s not be fooled, Memphis is a hotbed of racial tension. Let’s stir that up a bit. I have terminated the contracts of PG-13, an up and coming tag team of DJ Ice and Slash. Jarrett was using these skinny white kids as the Nation of Domination. I have hired Ron Simmons and Harlem Heat or The Harlem Knights, not sure which name is better, to bring some Black Power style Nation of Domination. They will feud with some Confederate Flag waving good ol boys like Terry Gordy, Tracy Smothers and The Armstrongs. We might have to add some security to the buildings as this could end up like 1968 when some other good ol boy shot Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. right here in Memphis. We don’t want the city to burn but we want both groups to come out to the arenas and root for their brothers!
4. Must increase the 20 something fan base. These are the ones who but the beers and hot dogs and really amp up the revenue. What better way to do this then parade a few hot women around in little clothing. I mean not real professional but the USWA needs money and I need a job. So here we go! Diamond Dallas Page has been hired more for his valet Kimberly to parade around in skimpy outfits then for his energy. Miss Texas, a mainstay in the USWA, will have an increased role.
5. A complete overall of the schedule to try and increase revenue and our fan base. Here it is:
SUNDAYS: Split roster/ split revenue= Twice the profits. I have been going town to town all throughout the region and partnering with local high schools to run a USWA event as a fundraiser. We will run two of these a week and the profits will be split 50/50. You may say that we are giving away our product but you must remember in these small towns around here, everyone comes out for a fundraiser. We will probably double the attendance with that word fundraiser. Two of these a week means big profits! I have already signed contracts with such school districts as Batesville, Arkansas, Cookeville, Tennessee, Covington, Kentucky and Hernando, Mississippi. The phone calls keep coming in and I hope these 5 or 6 match cards are a big hit around the Mississippi Valley.
MONDAYS: OFF- let the big boys play and we will watch and learn!
TUESDAYS: NASHVILLE- I have been able to sign a contract for the USWA to return to Nashville, TN on a weekly basis. This used to be a second home for Memphis Wrestling but we have not been there once in 1995. You may say that once a week is overkill but I have ulterior motives. WMC-TV is fine for now cable is the way to go. Nashville is home to CMT, a country music based television station that has expressed interest into expanding past the music business into other southern style hobbies. Why not bring some rednecks some down home WRASTLIN!
WEDNESDAYS: CASINO NIGHT- I have already signed 4 casinos which will operate on a rotating business. These casinos are Southland Park in West Memphis, AR, Casino Azatar in Evansville, Lady Luck Casino in Caruthersville, MO, and Tunica Resorts in Tunica, MS. You can bet that with free alcohol at the casinos, Kimberly and Miss Texas will be main stays on this loop. Remember, sleazy yes but we must increase our fan base by any means necessary.
THURSDAYS: LOUISVILLE GARDENS: Again, we are attempting to reach out to an old fan base here as it was a weekly event during the CWA years. I know this is a reach with a weekly show and we are still looking to find another city to alternate weeks with Louisville. Remember, St. Louis is only 90 minutes north.
FRIDAYS: MID-SOUTH COLISEUM: Let’s hope that everything else I have done along with switching our major show away from Mondays will help bring in more than our last show which totaled 578 people. People are starting to call this place the Mid-South Mausoleum. This show will end by 9:30 to give people a chance to party down on Beale Street
SATURDAYA: The morning TV Show will continue live from 10-11:30 but we will really increase the footage from the night before at the Coliseum. We will really also hype up the afternoon show at the Memphis Expo Center which will run at 1:30 each and every Saturday. Hopefully kids will nag their parents long enough during the TV show to come down and see the afternoon show that they will have no choice but to give in. This show will be family orientated with a bit more of the gimmicks. You will see such stars as The Inferno Kid, The Bullet and The Falcon. Of course the stars will be there to. Plenty of time for autographs and pictures here. Any child bringing in report card with an “A” on it gets in for free as long as they are joined by a paying customer. We must fill the 4,500 seat arena somehow.
Well if any of this works, USWA may still be around in 1996. If not, you can always turn in to the Monday Night Wars to see the King and his sarcasm. I could always get a job working for the minor league baseball team here in Memphis and their head of promotions. GO MUDCATS!
So here is a look at the opening roster as of September 1, 1985:
Owner: Jerry Jarrett
Head Booker: kevinmcfl
Staff: Cory Macklin
USWA UNIFIED WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: JERRY LAWLER
USWA SOUTHERN HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION: BILLY JACK HAYNES
USWA TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS:
Jesse James Armstrong
Diamond Dallas Page
Nelson Knight (Mabel)
Bobby Knight (Mo)
Jimmy Hart (Manager)
Billy Jack Haynes
The Colorado Kid
The Inferno Kid